Month: August 2021

A Virtual Visit to 2000

When I was a freshman I wanted to change the name of my computer to “Sanctuary,” over dramatic I suppose, something I do well, but the idea is there. This space, this thing contained inside my monitor is something that is mine is a way that nothing, not even my bedroom is mine.

I’m writing this from WordPerfect 9 running in Windows 2000. WinAmp is playing some Lauren Hill in the background, and I am back in the virtual space that was mine as I was leaving college back in 2001.

It is just a Virtual Machine, so a computer inside of a computer. My Mac and all of its modern-ness is just right over there, a three finger swipe away.

But this, this? This is something. This was me so long ago, and it feels so welcoming in a nostalgic way. The only thing that is missing is AOL Instant Messenger, something I very much miss. It was, in a way, a very real social network, but one where we talked to each other, rather than post in the noise and hoped someone heard us. Social media, ironically, disconnects us from each other in a way easy to feel but hard to describe.

Hell, I imported old email into Outlook from a back up so I could see what was in those PST files, so even Outlook is filled with this time period.

I was a fucking mess, for the record. But this post isn’t about that.

A lot has changed since then. I use so little of my computer these days outside of the internet. The start is there, AIM and lots of email, but also I did things, like write, more. So is there something about the space itself that is the issue? Something that has crept into our computer sanctuaries to remove us from that experience?

It’s not like I wasn’t online, using my browser, but I was also making things, playing games. I don’t even do that anymore on the computer.

And if I could, through this Windows 2000 machine, interact with the 2000 internet and all those people I miss, I would.

The space, familiar, the sounds, how I remember those sounds. It is so fast, so damn fast.

I need to use it a few days more to collect my thoughts, but my modern computer feels, thick? Dense? There is a lot, at all times, maybe that’s where I need to start, maybe not minimal install but minimal presentation. Return things to … I don’t know.

I know I was always one with 1,000 windows open. So maybe this is just the nostalgia speaking, the overload of remembering the marble table in the front room, the love seat I lived on, the monitor and 100′ phone chord that was the internet, and all the possibility that was still there.

But at this moment, listening to Enigma, it feels like it would be better.

Yes, “Return to Innocence” is a bit on the nose, but what the hell.

It was here, in this space, first in Windows 95, then 98, 2000, then over to OS X, that I would go to retreat to, to relax, to vent, to create, to dream, to dream, so much dreaming, to lament, to center myself after heartache, to let that heartache just loose in a way that was free, but private.

And no, I don’t need to be in this Windows 2000 world to experience this, but something like my phone or iPad, which I spend more time on than my computer do not offer this… this…? what? Personalization isn’t the right way of saying it but is as close as I can get. This connection to the space as mine. Apps are closed and don’t offer the kind of space a desktop does.

And this space is mine, even new and shiny, even old and pixelated, even cluttered and full of memories. So many files, filled with so many moments.

So I’m slowly making my 2000 era space again, sans internet. (For computer safety reasons, I’m keeping the VM offline) If anything, just to experience the overflow of nostalgia. (But also to go through some old files) Maybe to see if I can spot whatever it is that I’m feeling and move that into my modern OS experience.

And who knows. Maybe I’ll open up some of those WordPerfect files that haven’t been touched since I jumped to a Mac in 2002 and pick up where I left off.

A Discussion on Virtual Cons

I want to start by making something very clear: I support not just virtual cons but adding virtual components to cons. I attended a few of these in 2020 and found them a great experience.

I do think there are some things we need to talk about.

I’ll start by saying that most of this is from the perspective of a writer doing a reading / Q&A, seminars, or a panel. But there should be crossover with other con activities as well.

I was on a panel at a con a few years ago and it was recorded for a podcast, posted a few weeks afterwards. I found out it was going to be recorded for a podcast when someone who had listened to it messaged me about something I had said.

No one had asked us if this was ok. No one had told us we were being recorded. No one mentioned it was posted directly to us.

(For the record I was not upset, I thought it was cool, but I did have a bit of worry about what I said…)

Which brings me to the first thing we need to talk about, and that’s consent. It needs to be clear to the attendees which part of the show will also be virtual, AND give an opportunity to op out.

Because all the advantages you get for being a virtual attendee, it is the opposite for the presenter.

I’ve been doing theatre since I was little. I’ve done hundreds of shows in all kinds of locations. Been on the stage with nearly 700 people watching me.

When you turn on a video camera the feeling changes. It isn’t this ethereal performance anymore, it is something more permanent.

And a lot of my fellow writers already have nervousness and anxiety about reading to a group. The virtual part can only compound that. The recording part can only compound it.

I know I will be much more reserved, much more carful with my words, especially answers to questions since instead of living in the moment as a part of a discussion, those words are now being recorded.

And someone who doesn’t want to be recorded for any reason should be able to opt out.

Let’s talk about those recordings. What are you doing with them? Are you making money off of them? Are you posting them for a limited time? Forever? If I wanted it taken down, what is the process?

Are you charging for replays? I understand that the virtual infrastructure needs to be paid for, but there is a difference between me doing a reading at a con for free, and me recording a video that you are profiting off of for free.

Which gets to the murky part that I don’t have answers for: what rights are we giving up as writers?

If I read a story aloud and it is posted on YouTube, have I just used the audio rights?

If the video gets a transcription, something we should be doing as good citizens, that is effectively publishing my story, which has implications if it was as of yet unpublished, and, if I have signed a exclusive contract, may be something not allowed.

Do you have a code of conduct? Not just “don’t be a dick” I mean guidance on how I am presenting myself. Can I talk politics? Can I cuss? (I’m going to cuss, sorry about that, I say fuck a lot) do you want a “rating” or content warnings announced?

That’s too much to thing about, too complicated, we should just forget the virtual stuff.

No it isn’t. No you shouldn’t. If my 70 year old aunt can organize a virtual wedding with the characters in my family, cons can provide this.

It means some of your guests are going to turn you down, and that’s ok. It means some things are going to go wrong, and that’s ok. It means you’ll need to plan for these things ahead of time, and that’s ok.

I’m going to end as I began, and say that virtual cons and virtual components to in person conventions are a great thing and I hope we don’t just keep them, but improve them, and expect them.

They allow for attendance above the hotel capacity, they allow for attendance by those who may not otherwise be able to for financial, personal or any other kind of reasons.

They allow guests to attend from distance! You can do a virtual reading from anywhere, so you can participate even if you aren’t able to travel.

We just need to make sure we are all on the same page about some things, lest we find ourselves into a new situation where people are being taken advantage of.